We help people adopt an unstuck mindset. An unstuck mindset is a healthy mode of operating when things become overwhelming. It’s an orientation to complexity and uncertainty that invites breakthrough insights and novel options. We’re like mental and emotional fitness coaches conditioning people to thrive in a world that feels out of control.
But what if you’re stuck and you don’t realize it?
We find ourselves in mental quicksand when conditions have changed, but our approach remains the same. Instead of rethinking when we don’t get the outcomes we want, we use our tried-and-true strategies even more diligently. Like struggling to escape quicksand, the more effort we apply, the more stuck we become.
If any of the thoughts below feel familiar, you may already be caught in mental quicksand.
I’m right. They’re wrong.
Being right or being wrong makes sense when dealing with math problems, documented facts, or testable predictions. Thinking that there’s a right or wrong answer to a complex issue is just a trick your brain is playing on you. Brains like simplicity because simplicity conserves energy. With a bit more mental and emotional stamina, our brains can learn to tolerate nuance and creativity.
If you find yourself framing an issue as a choice between mutually exclusive alternatives, pause and ask yourself: How do we achieve the best of both?
I’m one purchase away from happiness.
You know that feeling of anticipation when you’ve splurged on a purchase that hasn’t been delivered yet? Or maybe you’ve decided to take up a new health regimen or hobby that you imagine will improve your life. If the new item or practice has become vital and transformative, congratulations!
More often, the item you coveted is now just another bland possession. The new practice has become a half-hearted routine or something you’ve abandoned. You’re back to scanning catalogues and considering the hot new life hack.
If you find yourself eager to bring something new into your life, pause and ask yourself: What need am I expecting this thing to meet?
I don’t know what came over me.
We are often surprised by our reactions. When triggered, an emotional energy can escape that makes us unrecognizable to ourselves. That out-of-proportion response is useful information. We may need the help of a therapist or coach to identify the source. Attempts to rein in our extreme reactions or write them off as the result of a temporary malady just gets us more stuck.
When you’re surprised by your own over-the-top reaction, pause and ask yourself: What does this reaction say about my unfulfilled aspirations or aspects of my life I have yet to make peace with?
Why am I getting the opposite of what I want?
A strange thing happens when we try too hard. Sometimes we put so much effort into achieving a goal, we create conditions for the opposite of our goal to take root. Let’s say Devon is eager to feel included. He adopts a strategy of helping whenever there’s a conflict or issue. He expends a lot of energy inserting himself into situations to fix problems. Devon’s efforts to be of service end up complicating matters. Over time he develops a reputation for being meddlesome and disruptive. Eventually people start avoiding, rather than including Devon.
If you feel a sense of dissatisfaction with your situation because of the extreme gap between what you want and what you’re getting, pause and ask yourself: How might I challenge the assumptions responsible for my choices?
How did we end up with the same strategy if we agree that our world has changed?
If you’re part of an organization that periodically reassesses their strategic priorities, you may have noticed that this year’s strategy could be summed up as, “Do what we’ve been doing… better.” Of course, there’s nothing wrong with staying the course if things are working and you know how to navigate “the course.” But why would you stick with a familiar strategy if the environment in which your organization operates starts to feel unfamiliar.
Whatever process you use for setting direction and prioritizing resource investments, pause and ask yourself: What opportunities or disruptions are emerging that deserve our attention?
